The Guilt of Putting Yourself First

No one ever warned you that choosing yourself would feel like betrayal. To others, yes, but especially to the version of you who has been trained to self-abandon. To the woman who learned to keep the peace, say yes when she meant no, and show up for everyone but herself.

Putting yourself first is a decision.

When you’ve spent most of your life tuning in to everyone else’s needs, what they want, what they expect, how they feel, your own voice starts to sound foreign. And when you finally start listening to it, the guilt rushes in like a tidal wave.

Am I being selfish? What if they think I don’t care? Who am I to say no?

These are the questions you’ll need to sit with. Cry with. U-n-l-e-a-r-n.

You’ll feel guilty for needing rest.

For saying you don’t want to talk.

For spending money on things that nourish you.

For honoring your boundaries, even when it disappoints someone else.

For not being available to fix everything and everyone.

But here’s the truth you have to come home to: Putting yourself first is not selfish. It’s sacred.

You cannot pour from an empty cup. You cannot light the way for others if your own flame is burning out. You cannot live in alignment while constantly abandoning yourself for the comfort of others.

The guilt you’re feeling is not yours. It’s inherited. Taught. Passed down from generations of women who gave and gave until there was nothing left.

You are the one breaking the cycle.

Every time you choose rest over productivity, silence over explanation, truth over people-pleasing,  you’re reclaiming a piece of yourself.

And yes, it will feel unfamiliar. It might feel like you’re letting someone down. But the one person you’re no longer letting down is YOU.

So if you’re walking through the guilt of putting yourself first, know this: It’s okay to disappoint others in the process of not disappointing yourself. It’s okay to take up space. To need time. To ask for more. To say no without explaining. To say yes to yourself without apology.

Choosing yourself is not rejection of others. It’s a remembrance of who you are beneath all the roles you were told to play.

This isn’t selfishness. It’s self-honoring. And it’s the beginning of your return to wholeness.